


Ghost of a Name

by idekwhatimdoin



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 10:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6607048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idekwhatimdoin/pseuds/idekwhatimdoin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“M-My name…”</p><p>MacCready hated to admit that he’d almost forgotten it since he’s been going by MacCready for so long. With everything that’s happened, everything with the Gunners, Duncan… losing Lucy… he’s just, stopped going by it. His first name was like a… a ghost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghost of a Name

_ "I...was hoping...what we have together could be more than friendship." _

Those words… those words had seemed so much easier to say when Alex had thought them in his head, but when he actually had to say them to MacCready, he felt like a boy who had a teenage crush back in highschool. He was all jittery inside, his fingers unable to stop clenching and unclenching at his sides. Sweat had started to perspire faintly on his brow, hands wiping on his pants as his eyes darted around at anything but MacCready. He could hear his racing heartbeat in his ears as his mind seemed to go completely blank, the only thing that seemed clear was that his instincts, out of the three f’s that came with it, seemed to be ‘flight’.  

He’s been travelling with MacCready for a while now and they’ve basically told each other everything, so he couldn’t understand why it was so hard to just say the words. 

_ “I… I don’t know. I mean, I never thought about us that way.” _

Now after everything that’s happened between them; the confession, the wait, the still unknown answer, something just kept bothering Alex. Something that he didn’t mind before but now that MacCready had agreed, it’s been nagging him even fiercer than before. It had taken Alex a while to pinpoint the problem, but when he did, he became even more noticeable than it had been before, evolving from a faint, almost unnoticeable, tap to a raging pound that flared whenever the problem rose. 

_ “Yeah Boss?” _

_ “Boss!” _

_ “Lead the way, boss.” _

_ “What do you need, boss?” _

_ Boss, boss, boss. _ That four letter word that just seems to always get on Alex’s nerves. Alex knew that MacCready was just being polite as it was was the formal way to address the person who had hired him, but it had never occurred to Alex that it would cause such a distraction for him. It’s not that he despised the way ‘boss’ would always take the place of where his name would be but it was the fact that MacCready didn’t know his full name and he in turn, knew nothing of MacCready’s first. 

He couldn’t help but glance up at the male that had managed to pass him, well of course with permission that MacCready had asked, surprisingly. The Merc was currently playing with Dogmeat as the German Shepherd pranced around happily, letting out a bark here and there as MacCready tossed a ball they’d found while searching through a deserted preschool. Of course, Alex dragged the Merc in against the reluctant male, MacCready knowing Alex’s hoarding methods. It wasn’t a very successful search, only coming up with about 2 stimpacks that had happened to be in the first aid kits and that’s it. Well, besides the ball. 

“Good, Dogmeat. Now, go fetch!” Alex couldn’t help but watch as the male threw the ball once more, watching as the green sphere disappeared into the distance, Dogmeat hot on its trail. Alex felt all the worry he had in his mind slip away as he saw the look MacCready had on his face. The Merc had a shine in those blue eyes, a happy smile on his face as he watched the dog gallop across the plains, Dogmeat’s barks echoing. It was if MacCready could feel Alex’s stare, those blue eyes shifting to look over his shoulder, meeting Alex’s surprised grey ones.

“What’s your first name, MacCready?” Alex almost slammed his hand over his mouth, unaware that he was even going to say anything before it was too late. His mouth had thought faster than his head. The surprised look that crossed the Merc’s face had made Alex immediately regret opening his mouth. 

“What?” 

Alex made it next to MacCready, the male having stopped walking at the sudden question. 

“I-I mean, we’ve known each other for about, what, days now? Weeks? And I just realized that I know so much about you, but I don’t know anything about the name of the man the life story belongs to.” 

“You want to know m-my… name?” Alex nodded, standing in front of MacCready now, staring down at the shorter man, aware of the fact that Dogmeat had come bounding back, the ball in his mouth as his tail wagged patiently. Noticing the atmosphere around his two companions, Dogmeat kept the ball in his mouth, wandering a few feet away to give them some space. Knowing that they weren’t going to be moving for a while, Dogmeat took to lying down on the warm ground, the ball squeezed between his jaws like a chew toy. 

“Here! I’ll start us off.” Alex suggested, a smile on his face, one that MacCready always seemed to enjoy seeing on the male’s face. He loved the way that when Alex would smile genuinely, his white teeth, something that was rare nowadays, would show, his eyes crinkling that his eyes seemed to be shut, expressing just how happy he was. He was so lost in Alex’s smile that he hadn’t noticed when Alex had moved closer to him, being only inches apart, his hand held between Alex’s. His eyes glanced down at his and Alex’s hands that were pressed against the latter’s chest, aware of the heartbeat that beat strongly underneath Alex’s chest. He could feel it beating faster than the normal person’s when resting, remembering back to the conversation they had just a few days ago.

_ "I...was hoping...what we have together could be more than friendship." _

“Alex is just a nickname people call me by. I just thought that it’d be easier to say. My mother was always a fan of fancy names.” The chuckle that left Alex’s lips and the small eye roll he did when thinking back to the times when he was a child drew MacCready’s attention away from the words once more. “My actual name is,”

MacCready tilted his head slightly, a slightly confused look on his face mixed with one of interest and acknowledgement, waiting for Alex to continue. He noticed the way Alex seemed to get a bit more fidgety around him, the heart beneath their hands speeding up a tad bit. “It’s Aleksey.”

_ Aleskey _ . MacCready tried it on his tongue. “Aleksey.” It was slow but he was surprised by how easily it rolled off his tongue. Almost immediately, a strange feeling spread through him, starting from his chest. “Aleksey.” He said once more, this time more confident, eyes catching sight of Alex nodding, a smile on his face.

“Yeah, Aleksey. What about you?”

“M-My name…”

MacCready hated to admit that he’d almost forgotten it since he’s been going by MacCready for so long. With everything that’s happened, everything with the Gunners, Duncan… losing Lucy… he’s just, stopped going by it. His first name was like a… a ghost. _A_ _ghost_. One that always seemed to bring the fellow ghosts of the past with it. Ghosts he’d rather forget about then relive over and over, only able to let them scar over, unable to forget. 

Alex could see how difficult it was for MacCready to answer his question, knowing that it was a simple one that didn’t really need much thinking but he understood if with MacCready’s first name came memories that haunted him. Alex would do the same thing. MacCready’s attention was drawn back up as he felt the hand that Alex held to his chest between his own started to let go, drawing back, Alex’s voice cutting through his thoughts. 

“Hey, MacCready? If you don’t want to share it, i-it’s fine.” MacCready could hear the words that were coming from Alex’s lips but he could hear the feeling behind them even more. He could hear the slight dejection in his voice, almost regretting the way his head snapped up to look at Alex, seeing the slight sad frown on his face. MacCready didn’t want to see that look. That look that was completely different from Alex’s usual smile, one that didn’t suit him at all. One that just made MacCready want to take back everything he said and kiss that frown off of his face-  _ wait, what? _

“I won’t hold it against you if you’d rather not share it-” 

“No!” MacCready felt his face starting to heat up at how fast he’d said that, not even letting Alex finish his sentence as Alex met his eyes with an equally surprised look. MacCready cleared his throat, rolling his shoulders before he answered in a calmer voice. “No. It’s fine. It’s just, I haven’t gone by it in such a long time.”

“Oh.”

“But, it’s only fair if I say it, right?”

“MacCready-”

“No, it’s fine. Really, Aleksey.” That seemed to shut Alex up, hearing his full name being used by MacCready for the first time. And MacCready would never admit to him that it felt nice saying his name. But sure, Alex would be totally on it when it came to telling MacCready how he felt about something he knew was cheesy to MacCready but normal to him. But for the meantime, Alex kept his mouth shut, ready to listen to what MacCready had to say.

“It’s Robert.”

_ Robert. _ It was almost funny how Alex seemed to be doing the exact same thing MacCready had done when he was first told what Alex’s full name was, a smile coming to the Merc’s face. “Robert. Robert.” Alex smiled brightly down at MacCready, thinking back to what his mother used to do whenever he ever introduced his friends to her when he was younger. She used to give them all fancy aliases that were phonetic from their actual names. Alex could still see the slight ghost of a flinch from the memories MacCready’s name brought around, an idea popping into his head that he, personally, thought was one of the greatest things he’s thought about.  _ Why not do that? _

“Burto.” This time it was Alex’s turn to surprise the Merc, again. MacCready was shocked by the quick nickname, thinking about it, rolling it through his mind. Whenever he thought about how the name was really just Robert but phonetic and a nickname, well, really it just had one less letter, he couldn’t help but notice how no memories came up as if the slate was wiped clean with just a new way of saying the name Robert. And that meant, he could have a new start. A new start with Alex in this wasteland. It would be them together against the world. And he… liked it. He was… happy.

“Yeah.”  _ Burto. _


End file.
